If Not Yet Civilized

Excerpt two from my young chick novel in progress, When Men Become Civilized


Unable to sleep, I propped myself up in bed with my I-pad and typed in a search.


How to get away with murder.


Well, maybe it would be best if I didn’t go down that road. No way to tell if someone was watching, but probably.

I tried the phrase ‘empowering women’ instead and oddly enough, this quote by Gertrude Stein came up.


“If a man is not civilized by the time he is twenty-five, he never will be.”


Hmm. I put the I-pad down and pondered that for a while.

So, if the ‘Darryl’s’ and ‘Brett’s’ of this world were high fiving each other over video games and football at twenty-six, I’m screwed. For life. That or I can sit around on Sunday afternoons making nachos and wearing a cheddar cheese hat.

Great. Darryl was twenty-three. The clock was ticking.

I looked back at the quote. So how in hell did you civilize a man? And what did that even mean? I looked up the word.




bring (a place or people) to a stage of social, cultural, and moral development considered to be more advanced.

to bring out of a savage, uneducated, or rude state.


That described Darryl, all right. I fell asleep with the question on heavy duty cycle in my head.

At the office the next day, I found the quote still obsessing my thoughts. Five thousand years of culture and Madison Ave. were working against me.

Talk about challenges.

Back from my morning break, I was still spacing out with my thoughts when I heard a voice out of nowhere.

“Earth to Amanda, Earth to Amanda.”

I flinched and found Pinkney, the head of my department, standing behind me with a file in his hand.

“Sorry,” I said.

“No, just good to have you back from…uh…where is it you’ve been time traveling this morning?”

“Sorry,” I said again and took the file.

“I need you to correlate your tech research into this report for me…By day’s end?”

I nodded.

“And try to time travel after work if you can.”

I nodded again. Pinkney left. I flipped through the file absentmindedly, my thoughts still stuck on how to civilize some jerk.

On my way home that night, Kate called.

“What are you doing?!” she shouted.

I could hardly hear her over the techno music droning in the background.

“I’m driving home.”

“Come to Naples! We’re having happy hour! Brett and all his friends are here!”

I sensed her cupping the phone.

“This guy Peter is here and is dying to meet you.”

“I don’t know, Kate. I’ve had a day from hell.”

“Oh, come on! Just stop by for a few drinks! I promise you won’t be disappointed!’

Reluctantly I agreed and turned my car around. The place was a smoke filled zoo when I walked in. I found Kate standing by a table in back, downing shots and putting on a dance show in front of Brett’s friends. They were all the young executive types—ties loosened, shirt sleeves rolled up, brash and full of themselves.

Kate pulled her hair up with her hands and started dancing all Bacchanalian like.

“AMANDA!!!” she screamed when she saw me.

She got her paws all over me with a big hug. Then the introductions began.

“You already know Brett and Richard! And this is Rhonda, Richard’s girlfriend! She quickly ran down the names of everyone else sitting there.

And, this is Peter!”

Peter held up his glass to me with a smug grin. I offered a sarcastic smile in return.

The cocktail waitress came by and I ordered a lemon drop martini.

“Come on, dance with me,” Kate said.

She let out a whoop and threw up her arms again. I joined in reluctantly. When the martini came, I downed it and ordered another one.

Several three drinks later, I had Peter in my face.

“So, Kate tells me you’re not into bondage.”

I glared in Kate’s direction. Remind me never to tell you anything again.

“Why don’t I tie you up and whip you instead?”

Peter smiled.


“Yeah, right.”

“Well, I dare you to come by my place and find out.”

“Yeah, right.”

Suddenly feeling devilish, I pulled Peter’s groin up against my body and ground on him. When he put a hand on my neck and tried to kiss me, I pushed him away.

Kate caught up with me halfway across the dance floor.

“Where are you going?!”



“Because I want to?”

“What’s wrong with you?” she said. “Peter’s like this rising star in his company! He’s going to be rich! Why are you throwing him away?!”

“Kate, you’re insane! You’ve lost your mind over this lust for money! I know you don’t get it, but I don’t want what you want! To be a trophy girlfriend?! Forget it!”

“You’re the crazy one!” Kate shouted as I left. “You’re going to end up a lonely old bitchy spinster!”

I flipped her off over my shoulder and headed for the door.

Back at my apartment and still fuming, I played some Susheela Raman to get that techno music out of my head.

Bitch from hell. Lonely old spinster. Maybe, but I rebelled against this idea of being some guy’s Barbie Doll. Maybe for fun, but not on a contract basis.

Whatever it was going to be, I wanted control. At least half of it.

Out of the blue, I decided to call this guy Ben from the gym. He had been bugging me to go out with him for the past two months. I kept saying no. Why not? Ben was just a slightly more adorable version of Darryl. A big hunk, all buffed out on testosterone and not an intellectual fiber in his body.

Then, maybe that made him the perfect candidate.

Either way, I needed fresh meat. I was already fighting history and the unending ad campaigns. I had no stomach for the uphill battle of Darryl’s presumptions about me.

I went ahead and made the call.

“Yeah,” Ben said in answering.

I heard video game racket in the background and nearly hung up. The man cave was in full operational mode.

“It’s Amanda,” I said. “From the gym?”

“Oh, hey Amanda. Yeah, yeah.” The sound went down in the background. “Wow. I’m surprised to hear from you. I figured you’d never call.”

“Well, I did.”

“Yeah, cool. So what’s going on?”

I cleared my throat.

“Well, actually, I’m Jonesing for some pizza and wondered if you wanted to go out with me tomorrow night to grab one.”

“Yeah sure, cool. Were you thinking to meet at the gym?”

“No. I don’t work out before eating pizza. I work out afterwards.”

He chuckled. I didn’t. The issue of my reputation had come to mind.

“Look, let’s just be clear on this one point, Ben. I don’t want my private life advertised all over the gym. Are you with me?”

“Yeah, sure, sure. Cool. I won’t tell anyone. So how did you want to connect?”

“How about at the pizza parlor?”

“Which one?”


“Where’s that? I’ve never heard of it.”

No doubt. He was probably thinking Pizza Hut.

“It’s a little dive over on 5th St. Just south of James?”

“Oh yeah. I think I’ve seen it. I didn’t know they made pizza.”

“It’s Italian. Every Italian restaurant knows how to make pizza.”

“Cool. So what time?”

We made the rest of the arrangements and I gratefully got off. Thirty seconds and the guy had me bored to death. What was I thinking?

Oh yeah. Civilizing someone. I still wasn’t at all sure where this thing was headed but I had already decided to start round one in bed. If I could civilize a man that far, who knew? The sky was the limit.

Having slogged through the pizza and blasé conversation the following evening, Ben and I had arrived to ‘his place or mine’ territory. It was a given he was thinking about it. As a woman, it was fun to wield the one supreme power we always had. Was I thinking about it too? Keep guessing, buddy.

“So, did you want to stop by my place for a beer or something?” Ben said.

How subtle.

“I don’t know,” I said. “Do you live alone?”

“No, I have a roommate.”

My nose crinkled up.

“It’s cool. He’s out of town right now.”

“How out of town?”

“I don’t know. I think until next week.”

“You think.”

“Well, he’s not going to be home tonight. I know that.”

I stared at him, ready to talk business.

“Okay, Ben. Let’s put it this way. I’m up for a mutually beneficial fuck. The emphasis being on ‘mutually beneficial’ and ‘fuck’. We both get what we want and no entanglements. Do you think you can handle that kind of arrangement?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said with a big grin.

“Okay. And if I ever catch you bragging to someone at the gym about our business, that’s the end of it. I’ll cut your balls off.”

“Wow. Okay. No need to worry about that.”

“Good.” I gathered my bag. “Grab the check. I’ll be waiting outside in my car.”

Over at Ben’s place, he tried to force himself on me first thing. My brain was still trying to recover from his black leather and chrome furniture.

“Whoa, tiger,” I said. “We’re going to take this nice and easy, okay?”

“Okay, cool. Did you want a beer?”

“A glass of chilled chardonnay would be nice.”

“Wow, maybe my roommate left some.”

Ben triumphantly produced an opened bottle of halfway respectable California vintage from the refrigerator, along with a low ball glass.

“In that?” I said.

Ben shrugged.

“How about a goblet?”

Ben looked at me as if he’d never seen one.

After opening a couple of cupboard doors, we uncovered the wine glasses.

I poured two of the glasses half full and offered mine up for a toast.

“To a mutually beneficial fuck.”

I winked and had a sip.

“May I use your bathroom?”

“Sure, it’s the first door down the hall on the left.”

I smiled, put my glass down and left Ben with an affectionate touch of the cheek.

Having thought this out ahead, a chamois and a pair of open toed slides were waiting for me in my oversized bag. Fuck me shoes, Kate liked to call the slides. I peed, washed myself, added a dash of perfume and headed back out to the living room. I could almost hear Ben’s cock springing to attention at the sight of me.

“Wow. You look fucking gorgeous.”

He proceeded to manhandle me like a football.

“Whoa, big boy,” I said. “Remember? Nice and easy?”

“Oh yeah.”

I sighed as he grabbed my ass again.

“Come,” I said and pulled him towards the bedroom.

Standing in front of Ben’s bed, I started to unzip his pants

“Take off your shirt,” I said.

While he pulled the knit over his head, I dropped his pants down to his knees and gently pushed him onto the bed. His shoes and pants came off next. Once we were down to his briefs, I crawled up and took over. Ben was almost manageable in that position. Like an alligator having its tummy rubbed.

After some delicate kissing, he tried to roll on top of me. I had to push him back down.

“Whoa, tiger. Like I said. Nice and easy.”

I kissed his lips once and started down his chest. When his hard cock sprung out of his briefs, it was almost purple. I could feel the heat coming off of it from six inches away. When my lips touched his flesh, Ben groaned and his cock saluted. I teased it gently with my lips, then swallowed all the way, then teased it a bit more, then swallowed again.

When I went back up to kiss Ben’s lips, he was hyperventilating like a bull in heat. He quickly rolled me over and tried to mount.

“Are forgetting the deal? You get what you want and I get what I want, right?”

He nodded.

“Well, I haven’t gotten what I want yet.”


He got a dumb grin on his face and went down. I sighed. He was going at it like a Bulldog at chow time.”

“Ben, Ben,” I said.

He looked up at me.

“Delicately, okay? I’m not a bowl of Purina.”

“Okay, sure.”

His idea of delicate was to flagellate his tongue at fifty miles an hour. Oh Christ. Okay. Civilize him. If that’s possible. I had to show him every little move.

There. Okay. Slowly. A little further inside. Yes. Now back to the other spot. Okay. Right there, and slowly. Oh yes, yes, yes. Just like that.

Once I had landed on deck and lurched around like a fish, Ben came up and looked at me proudly.

“Yes, very good,” I said, gently stroking his face and hair.

“So?” he said.

“Yes, you can enter me now.”

I gasped as he did. Without delay, he was doing sixty miles an hour.

“Whoa, whoa. There’s more than one speed.”

Ben pulled out nearly all the way and slowly penetrated me again. I had my hands against his bare chest, encouraging him to go even more slowly.

By god. He was getting the hang of it. Even his kisses were becoming more delicate. Maybe it was possible to civilize a man.

When I was close to coming again, I rolled Ben over and ground on his cock. Taking his hand, I had him touch my breasts.

“Easy, easy,” I said. “Like you’re teasing.”

And then all was bliss again. A moment later, I collapsed on his chest.

“Oh god yes.”

My body shuddered involuntarily.

“Can I now?” he said.

“Yes, yes, go ahead. Ravish me.”

Ben got on top and went at me like a stallion in heat. I reached under and delicately touched his balls. It was over fast.

“Oh fuck yes!” he said.

I felt him coming inside me. The strokes continued for some time, slowly abating until he collapsed on me. I felt him breathing heavily.

“Oh god, that was the best fuck I’ve ever had.”

No doubt that was intended to make me proud but I winced. For all I had wanted to keep this on a carnal level, I was a lady. I wanted to hear things that perhaps Ben did not know how to express. That perhaps did not exist inside of him.

It was a lesson learned. Civilizing a man in bed did not a poet make.

Suddenly, I couldn’t wait to go home.

Later, luxuriating in my bed alone, I had to admit to myself. It was a good fuck. For which I could thank Kate. If not for her stupid dungeon fetish, I might never have taken things into my own hands.

But it was only a start. Now I had to search for even more fertile ground.

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